


It Never Seems To Be Enough

by itislacey



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Bullying, Hate, Hurt!Dan, platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 10:58:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10333148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itislacey/pseuds/itislacey
Summary: Dan gets hate comments and gets bullied by his subscribers on the internet for not posting the video he said he would, and when he breaks down from it, Phil is there to help him back up.Or, the fic that’s not actually a fic because it really happened, because half the people in the phandom are assholes who have no regard for Dan’s feelings because they all think it’s about them.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not bitter :) This behavior is not okay. Dan does not deserve to be treated the way he was today. No one likes a bully. Unless you have something nice to say to him, than don’t say it at all.

Dan made a mistake by telling thousands of people on YouNow about his next video. Truthfully, he had planned on the next danisnotonfire video being one that meant something to him, but when he tried to film it, things just weren’t working out.

He had been stressed for weeks, constantly worrying about the content he was going to put out on his personal channel, but each time he thought of making a video to post publicly, he felt sick. 

Dan treated his own channel like an egg. It always had to be perfect, with no cracks anywhere, and the outside had to have a polished glow to it. He never knew who was going to stumble across his channel, and he couldn’t have it looking like a shitstorm in case someone important saw it. But it was that exact thought that drove him mad.

All in all, Dan was  _ tired.  _ He ate himself alive when it came to video ideas. He was tired of living in fear of what people might say to him when he posted a video.

_ What if they don’t like it? _

_ What if they send me hate? _

_ What if everyone unsubscribed? _

_ What if it’s not good enough?  _

He wished he was more like Phil. Phil, who posted what he wanted, when he wanted, and didn’t really care about what everyone thought about his content. If he liked it, he would post it. He had fun with his videos, and uploaded hell of a lot more regularly than Dan ever had. Phil would post a few videos a month, whereas Dan would post maybe once a month.

And it was never enough. 

Everything he did, whether it be tweet or doing a live YouNow, at least a few hundred would ask,  _ “When’s the next dinof video?”  _

Dan would always reply, “Soon,” because that’s what he aims for, but never achieves. 

So after his live show at the beginning of March, when he gave hints at what his next video was going to be, he found his favorite patch of carpet and laid there for a while. 

“I haven’t seen you there in a long time,” Phil commented when he came out of the lounge and saw Dan’s lanky body stretched out across the carpet. “Everything okay?” 

“I don’t know,” Dan answered honestly. “I feel like it is, but my head is screaming otherwise.” 

Phil sat down on the floor next to Dan, leaning back against the wall. “What happened?” 

“I made a mistake on YouNow. I told them a hint about my next video, and as usual, everyone is blowing it out of proportion. I’ve already seen some tweets, Phil.” It wasn’t many, but it was enough. “They all think I’m coming out as gay or bi or something. That’s not even what the video is about.” 

“Is it the one you told me about last week?”

“Yeah. I thought I was ready to film it and put it out there, but now . . . I don’t think I am.” 

“That’s okay,” Phil said reassuringly. “You don’t  _ have  _ to make it your next video. It’s your channel. Do what you want.” 

Dan huffed. “I can’t just change the video, Phil. I already told them. I’m sure gifs and video clips are spreading like wildfire. I’ve started something I can’t stop. Unless it’s said video.”

“Dan, it doesn’t matter what you said. We all say things. There’s been multiple times I said things and never followed through, and yeah, people get upset, but they also get over it.”

“I know, it’s just . . . I want to skip the stuff in between and get to the part where everyone gets over it.”

“If only things were that easy,” Phil said. “Why don’t we go do something that doesn’t involve being sad in the hallway? Think about what you’re going to do later.”

Dan nodded, pushing himself off the ground and heading to the lounge with Phil. It would all work out. He would figure out what to do. 

_ One week later _

By the following Tuesday, Dan knew what he was going to do. His head hadn’t been in the game recently, and though he was physically healthy, he couldn’t say the same for his mental state. He had been up for the past few nights, thinking about nothing that even really mattered. He had laid on the carpet more times than he had been in the past  _ year,  _ and though he was still eating, it was never much. 

Phil was worried about him. By the fourth night of Dan’s behavior, he sat him down in the lounge and gave him a way out. Tell the people he had to postpone the video, but would post another one soon.

“But what’s the excuse?” Dan asked, biting his nail nervously. 

“You can tell them the truth, or you can make something up,” Phil replied. 

The truth. The truth was that he had been having a hard time recently, and he wasn’t in the right mental state to make the video just yet.

So that’s exactly what he told everyone. And if that weren’t enough, he told everyone the same thing a week later on his following YouNow.

_ Two weeks later _

Dan made a video, and it wasn’t the one he said it was going to be  _ three weeks  _ ago. But that’s okay. He told a few thousand people that it wasn’t going to be the “important” one he had originally planned for, and no one had seemed to lash out at him. 

It was an original - Internet Support Group. They weren’t his favorite videos to make, especially after doing just about eighty something of them last year for their world tour, but it was easy, his, and quick to put together. Well, as quick as a video can be made. 

So at ten o’clock at night, Dan made the video public and posted it across all platforms. It didn’t take long for people to send him tweets, although it never usually did. 

Dan sat in his room, alone, with only his fairy lights on, and rested with his laptop on his legs, and scrolled through his replies.

_ Disappointing _

_ Are you kidding me? _

_ I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE IMPORTANT VIDEO??? _

_ Wow, this was anticlimactic. _

They were all the same. Comment after comment was nothing but hate for his video. He thought people liked internet support group? He got enough emails for it! Or was that just because those people wanted to be noticed?  __ He didn’t realize this many people hated it. If he knew, he would have never done another one. But he can’t just go and delete it now. Too many people have seen it. They’ll know. 

There was a knock on the door, and Dan jumped, shoving his laptop to the side and wiping his cheeks he didn’t know were wet. 

“Dan?” Phil asked softly, pushing open the door and poking his head around. 

“Hey,” Dan said, clearing his throat and trying to sound as normal as he could. “What’s up?” He tried not to think about the comments that could be filtering through right now. How many more people were disappointed in him?

“I saw,” Phil said, shutting the door behind him.

“Saw what?” 

“The comments. Your replies. You’re not a disappointment, Dan.”

Dan could feel his throat getting smaller and smaller, until he finally let the tears and sob escape him. “I am. I let everyone down. They hate me and the video. I should have sucked it up and just filmed the one I told them I was going to.” 

Phil crossed the space between them in no time, and pulled Dan into a tight hug. The younger broke down and sobbed into his shoulder, and though this didn’t happen too often, Phil knew Dan needed it. He had been stressed to the max for the past few weeks and he hadn’t broken down yet. He knew this was coming, it was only a matter of time. “They don’t  _ hate  _ you, Dan.”

“But they’re mad at me,” he sobbed.

“So? People get mad at me, too. You can’t please everyone. Even if you  _ did  _ post the other video, you know there would be people out there who didn’t like it.” 

“But at least it wouldn’t be the majority.” 

Phil knew Dan struggled with his thoughts about his own channel. He had been like that since he made his first video all the way back in 2009. That was one of the things that Dan never changed about himself. He changed just about everything, but this was one thing he couldn’t get passed. 

“I never even said it was a big video!” Dan continued. “All I said was that it was important to  _ me,  _ but of course no one can let me have it. Instead they pressure me day after day into making it, and that only makes me not want to do it anymore.”

“I know,” Phil murmured. “It’ll be okay, Dan. They’ll all get over it.” 

“I’m sick of being bullied, Phil. All I do is give and it never seems to be enough. We give them nearly two gaming videos a week. You give them a few AmazingPhil videos a month. I know I could do better, but it’s hard for me.”

“It’s okay. You don’t owe them anything. Not if they’re going to treat you like this.” Phil had his fair share of hate comments back in the day, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t still get them, but he always let the good outweigh the hate. Dan was completely opposite. Phil  _ hated  _ to see Dan break down like this because people weren’t satisfied. He didn’t even  _ have  _ to give them a video, but he did. “Why don’t you go to bed, yeah? Be done with Twitter for the night.” 

Dan nodded into Phil’s shirt, backing away and wiping his nose on his arm. “‘M’sorry.” 

“Don’t worry about it. You change and I’ll get you a glass of water, okay?”

“Okay,” Dan agreed, stripping off his shirt and pants when Phil left. He put on a pair of flannel pants, and left his shirt off, climbing under the covers. His laptop still sat turned on, and the illuminated screen taunted him. He wanted to reach over and pull it to him, but Phil came back before he could.

Phil set the water on his nightstand and reach over Dan for his computer, shutting it down and closing the lid. “A good night’s sleep will make this better. We’ll go out and do something tomorrow, okay?” 

Dan hummed in agreement, watching Phil take his laptop with him. He had no idea where his phone was, and he figured that was probably a good thing. If it were near, he might be tempted to open Twitter and see what else people had to say. 

Dan closed his eyes, hoping that sleep would fix everything. He was used to getting hate, but he could barely stand it when he got hate for things that weren’t even true. He never hyped the video up to being big and important. He mentioned it  _ once,  _ twice when he told people he was going to make a different one instead.

But over the last few years, Dan had learned that  _ nothing  _ ever seems to be enough for his subscribers. No, he couldn’t please everyone, but that’s not what he was here to do. He was still a human being with thoughts and feelings, and it was easier to hide all those things on the internet. But he was glad he didn’t have to hide those things from Phil. Phil always got him through it. And it was one of the very many reasons why Dan didn’t think he could ever live away from Phil. The universe  _ may  _ not implode if they moved further apart, but Dan’s just might. And he was not willing to take that chance.

So with a final, heavy breath, Dan closed his eyes and went to sleep, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he would never make the video that was “important” to  _ him.  _ Because no one even deserved it. 

  
  



End file.
